A long time ago, a very magical woman lived in a very magical house and her name was Lady Barbery. The Lady often kept to herself and sat alone in her house doing the most marvelous things. One day Lady Barbery was noticed by a fair folk named John St. John. John St. John was not respected among his people. In fact, any popularity that could be attributed to him was exclusively because he was so unpopular. But John St. John thought to change all that when he spied Lady Barbery.

“I am from the fairer lands,” he said, introducing himself to Lady Barbery at her door, “and if you allow me the honor of sharing your home and magics with me, I will whisk you away to Faerie where you will be regarded forever at the same lofty position as the Royal Court.”

Of course, John St. John had no intention of whisking Lady Barbery to Faerie, and only had the mind to use her for her magics until he could steal it for himself. Unfortunately for John St. John, Lady Barbery was very clever and knew how treacherous the fair folk could be, so she agreed to John St. John’s proposition under three conditions.

First, John St. John could never enter her house without the key. Second, to earn his place, he would have to plant and care for a garden of roses. Third, she would only allow herself to be taken to Faerie the day after her death.

John St. John could not believe his luck. Not only would he benefit from sharing Lady Barbery’s house and magics, he wouldn’t have to put forward any effort to his scheme at all, for Lady Barbery would be far too dead to realize she had been swindled.

So the agreement was struck. John St. John planted a wonderful garden of rose bushes that grew and crawled along her house, they shared their magics with each other, and together they accomplished many feats. But as time wore on, Lady Barbery began to age, becoming shriveled and tiny. John St. John stood at the hand of Lady Barbery’s death bed, comforting her but really just waiting for her to die. She eventually passed away, and despite the rest of the world mourning over the lost of such a fantastic woman, John St. John was brimming with enthusiasm.

He ventured to his homelands and bragged to everyone he crossed paths with how exceptionally powerful he would become in a day’s time. He scolded and promised vengeance to those who belittled him over the centuries, and how embarrassed they would be in the presence of his power. In that time, a casket was crafted for the late Lady Babery, her funeral was held (to which John St. John did not attend) and her last will and testament was read to her family and friends.

The next day John St. John went back to the mortal world to claim his new home. When he went to the house he found that the garden of roses he had planted decades ago had grown tremendously, engulfing the structure completely. Nettlesome thorns bit and pricked anyone who went near the house and more nettlesome, the door was locked. Annoyed, John St. John went to the offices of human law demanding the key and to have the necessary equipment to remove the roses, but the offices could be no help to John St. John.

In her will Lady Barbery specified to be entombed in a sarcophagus of cast iron (a metal to which fair folk are deathly allergic to) and buried in her rose garden. Also in her last testament, she willed the rose garden, with its biting thorns and invasive vines, to hold sentry over the house while she was gone (presumably away in Faerie, as was agreed upon) or until a new prospective proprietor purchased the house and ownership of the house key passed on to them.

“Well where is the damn key?” asked John St. John.

But of course it was buried with the Lady Barbery in the cast iron sarcophagus in the center of the bitey, invasive rose garden.